Three days. Three agonizing, treacherous days. I was forced to wait until the head vet, Dr. Vice, returned from his trip to get the final word. Gideon stayed at the clinic where he could be monitored. What we knew was his leg was broken. We didn’t know if it was a small break, a big break, a “death” break, a debilitating break, or maybe something that could be fixed and recovered from. A dark cloud loomed above me – ever present as I went through my day. It was a cloud that seemed to ensure the worst. Every minute it told me that in 3 days I would say good-bye to my beloved Gideon. The farm owner, Patti, visited my dad at his office, and set him up for the worst. The cloud soon settled over our house as well. My parents struggled to make eye contact with me. They didn’t know what to say or what to do, but they prayed for us. My dreams were plagued with all of the most terrible things my imagination could muster up. I walked around a zombie of uncertainty. I tried my hardest to hope for the best. I prayed without ceasing, begging God to save my horse, but knowing in my heart that God had His own plan.
The day before Dr. Vice returned from his trip, I got into my white Chevy Silverado – we had traded my car for this so I could take Gideon to horse shows – and I backed down the steep hill of our driveway. As my truck rolled onto the right side of the street in front of my house everything peaked. With my foot on the break, I sat there and cried out to God. With all of my heart I begged him to spare my horse. I begged him to fix this, to make it all ok. My knuckles were white on the steering wheel while my shoulders shook, and I gasped for air between sobs. My dream of going to KY was not happening, but I had taken it with a smile knowing that God had a plan, and I had my horse. Please don’t take him away too. I cried myself empty.
Then, for one of the first times in my life I heard at that moment what I believe the Bible describes as that still small voice. God spoke to me – not like the booming voice in movies. But somewhere in my mind I saw a vision of Gideon and me at a farm with green grass, a red barn, and white fences. I was in my forties, and he was old, and I hugged him and laughed a carefree laugh. There was a sparkle in my eye as we stood under a big tree. We were together at the home of my dreams; the one where I wake up in the morning and look out my bedroom window upon my horses and my farm. I wasn’t quite sure at that moment if it was a figment of my imagination, or if God had really given me that vision, but in the midst of the turmoil peace began to leak back into my heart.
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