I woke up bright and early to create the big hair to go under the hat. We did our interviews in the morning, then we learned the cheesy dance routine, and finally it was time for the evening performance and modeling portion of the competition. It all culminated in this one night where we all pranced around in leather dresses with cowboy hats. The turning point of the pageant was the auction. The coordinators added this part to raise funds for a charity. Each competitor had an item donated to the auction – my dad’s company donated mine and I painted a picture of Gideon on it – we were to go out and work the crowd during our model portion while the auctioneer worked his magic. One at a time girls would walk, spin, pause, smile, and walk some more until the item was sold. Kimberly – the girl I met up on day 1 – strutted up on to the stage and with a big grin she took the microphone straight out of the announcer’s hand and said “Come on people! I want to hear some bids!” She continued in such a manner, cruising around the stage and pumping her hands up to encourage people to bid. Her auction item sold and the bar was set…high. I was sitting with the other competitors and you could feel our hearts all sink in unison. We now knew what needed to be done. A few more girls were called up to the stage and they did the standard silent walk that had seemed perfectly acceptable before Kimberly showed up. Eventually it was my turn. I was proud of my item. It displayed a painting I had done myself which I was sure would make me more competitive. I mounted the stage and stood front and center with a gigantic pageant-worthy smile on my face. They started the bidding and I sashayed down the run-way showing off my cute pink leather dress with long fringe and bone colored boots. I reached the end and did a striking pose with my hand on my hip. Then I spun and made my way towards the auctioneer. I was eyeing his microphone thinking how the competition would be between Kimberly and me when I took it to work the crowd and promote my item. My eyes were glued to his hand, and as I struck a pose next to him I knew this was my chance. But something took over -it felt like a dark shadow overcoming me as I left the auctioneer and his mike and just kept walking, pausing, smiling, and spinning. It was a much weaker smile at this point. I knew what I needed to win was inside of me, but I had let some shadow come over me and stop me from my destiny.
The highlight of the entire judgng process was when the judges called us all back on stage before making their final decisions. As I smiled and made eye contact with each judge I saw one of them excitedly nudging the guy next to her obviously saying “number 5! Number 5!” That’s the best number- my number.
I didn’t win the pageant. Embarassingly enough I didn’t even make the top 5. I guess the judge that was pulling for me didn’t get her way. But when it comes down to it I don’t need 4 judges to tell me that 5 other girls are better than me. Gideon and I learned a ton about each other and because of the preparation for the pageant I was a more committed horse mom. I learned that the regret of not doing something is often way bigger than the temporary pain of doing it. And honestly the pageant only solidified my belief that my self-worth does not exist in what other people think about me but about what I believe about myself. I believe I am a winner. I believe that when I take God as my partner I can do anything I set my mind to… and I mean anything. Race horses? Done it. Polo? Done it. Jumping? Done it. And I’m not stopping there…
How about a free Mary Kay car? Done that too.
Lesson for the day: The pain of regret is way bigger than the pain (usually more of an inconvenience than a pain) of getting the job done.
Soli deo gloria
~Sarah
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