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Hey!!! If you’ve followed me long, you may be wondering how life is actually going with horses. You probably imagine Silas and I out doing magnificent jumps, like in the coloring page, on the reg.
Well, we’re not. (See post from last week on mental health…ha!)
Lately it’s felt like I got a lemon. Except this lemon is exceptionally handsome (when he’s cleaned up and posing) and has toted me around for 10 years so I’m not in an emotional space to just trade him in or move along (as if anything with horses were that easy anyway).
He’s got this weird non emotional personality (or maybe he buries his emotions under nonchalance. We may never know), which has actually been perfect during this phase of life with small kids and inconsistent barn trips. But over 10 years I’ve become quite attached to my horse. I can see small tells that he’s happy or unhappy, that he’s glad I’m there, or not.
We spent a few years figuring out his back issues and finally started jumping again. We went to a practice show- first show in 5 years. He was odd but not lame so I rolled with it, assuming I just wasn’t riding great. A few days later I noticed he wasn’t bending his neck to the right & the vet came out and diagnosed him with a possible fractured vertebrae in his neck. Yep. Got through that, finally went to another show, then a few days later he felt odd again. I thought he was tired from the show. He never recovered. He kept getting more and more sluggish. Finally he was diagnosed with lymes. Then during lymes treatment when he was supposed to be getting better he actually fell with me. Then he fell in the field. We started treating him for epm – basically a parasitic based neurologic disease (Or something like that). I’m two weeks into that treatment and I’ve had one great ride, a couple meh rides and most recently, a good ride.
Is this where I saw my riding career at this point in my life? No. Am I disappointed? At times definitely. But honestly it’s good. It’s a faith building thing for me. It’s times like these when I have to just give it to God. I can’t fix Silas. Silas was always a gift from God and it’s up to God to fix him…or not. And in that sense, I’m grateful for this mess. In my uber self reliant nature in a self reliant culture, these are the things that bring my back to where I need to be. On my knees.
Right now it’s looking like Silas might be ok, and I’m doing my best for him. We’ll just keep praying. I’ve learned to hold things with an open hand, even when there’s tears streaming down my face. Most of the time, though, it’s a contagious grin you’ll find.
God is good,
Sarah
P.s. if you’re wondering how God is good in this, I could write a book about it. But I’ll just say God promises in the Bible to work all things out for good for those who love Him and are called to his purpose. Sometimes you just have to look for the good to find it
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